Today, I feel like crap, I have not felt so sick in a long time, so I decided to go in and see my primary doctor to see if he could help me with some of the flu symptoms I have been having. He went over everything with me, and well he was looking over my chart he looked at me and looked at my chart again and started talking.. he talked for awhile, probably a good 40 minutes, of what was going on with my body, explaining things to me, trying to make me understand.
I was already so miserable that I felt like this wasn’t a real conversation. He has been monitoring my periods and ovulating and so on for about the past 6 months because I have only had 3 periods since I’ve had my son, he was born November second 2018..
He told me at first, this is pretty typical, high stress levels, army wife, single parent, doing the works of course my hormone levels are going to be all jacked up right? I haven’t thought too much into it I guess, because hey, I haven’t had much of a period in the past 2 years so why should I be complaining right? I guess sometimes you just think hey, that could never be me, right?
He started explaining to me that I am no longer ovulating, that my reproductive system has shut down, and he’s not sure if it will ever turn back “on” again.. I guess this kind of hit me like a bus coming right at me at full speed ahead. Me and my husband decided last year that we didn’t want to have any more kids, so he got snipped so we wouldn’t have any issues in the future, and it was always reversible if for some reason we changed our minds. I LOVE MY KDS, they are my world, as most parents would say.. This was our decision and I’m still ok with it to this day. When my doctor told me there might be something wrong with my reproductive track I just kind of froze I guess you could say? I dazed into the conversation and all that I could think about over and over again was, you can never have children again, you will never have children again. I guess its not 100% fact, because he said there are most test that need to be ran and obviously need to do an ultrasound to confirm everything he said, and I just froze. Its weird, I didn’t think it would effect me in this crazy way to be told, hey your body is shutting down and there’s nothing we can do about it, and oh hey to top it off, you can never make babies again. This just keeps going over and over it my head today, and to top it off I have the flu… I mean couldn’t he of waiting tell next week.. the sentence he said ” well I have you here in person there is something id like to talk to you about, something that could be pretty serious”
Im emotionally drained to say the least, and kind of broken.. I’m sure its news no one wants.. no one expects anyways.. I’m glade god gave me 2 beautiful wonderful children, but something about the fact that my body just decided to shut down after the second child.. I don’t know.. gets under my skin.. and hurts..
Military wife just breathe 