mommy’s trying baby girl

You know how there’s only so much you can take in a day? Like when that last thing hits you that just makes you break down. Tonight, like every night, I was putting my lil man to sleep, I asked my daughter to be quiet for a few minutes so I could get him to sleep, she said ok and continued to watch her movie on the tv. After laying with lil B for a few minutes, He falls asleep, I start thinking “ wow this is going to be a nice relaxing night with no fight, then Ry comes barging I’m yelling something about her phone. I tell her to get out and he sits up and just starts screaming bloody murder, I was SO upset with her to say the least I yelled at her at the top of my lounges Rylee be quiet that’s all I asked you to do was be quiet for 5 minutes and you can’t even do that. I was so upset with her I just snapped. She started crying and I just walked away, I left her to cry, and dry her tears on her own. I sound TERRIBLE! I know trust me it’s hard to admit, but I was so far past my limit with her today I was literally loosing my mind. I was so upset. I finally got Braxton back to sleep and in his crib. I took a deep breathe, and went out. Sitting there, staring at my daughter I felt a tear run down my cheek, then out of no where I just started balling, and soft and quiet as I could well i just stared at her, she didn’t notice, she was really into her show, then she must have glanced at me and said, mommy are you crying? She paused her show and just hugged me, so tightly. I then realized that no matter how upset I am with her I need to remember to take a breathe sometimes, before speaking to her. I need to step back, and take a breathe because even though I’m upset with her, I don’t want her to have these memories of me screaming and yelling at her, I want her to have great wonderful memories of us together well daddy is deployed, i would be heart broken for her to think of me as a horrible mother. She pulls back and almost looks like she was scared to talk, I said what is it hunny, after a long pause she said I miss daddy too mommy. I told her I was so sorry for yelling at her and that mommy was just so upset with how horrible she’s been the past couple days with listening, and that it’s hard on me but that’s no excuse to yell at the top of my lungs at my child. I love you baby girl. Mommy will do better, I promise you. I’m trying. ❤️