Sometimes I wonder what you think, I wonder what’s going on in that little mind. It used to just be me and you, “forever and always” we say. We used to do everything together, play princesses go to the park, go to target, always just me and you. These where “our” things that we did together. Then I brought home your baby brother who took up 75% of my time away from you.
So I sit and I rock and let all the guilt creep in as I watch you play alone, something you never used to have to do. Sometimes I feel like all I’m ever saying to you is “hold
On I’m feeding yo ur brother” or “maybe later, I’m busy with your brother” or “not right now”.
These feelings make me feel sad, like no matter what I’m doing I’m neglecting one of you. You see, when I had your brother my heart didn’t split in two in order to love both of you, it doubled, but unfortunately my arms my lap and my time, didn’t double.
At night when everything quiets down and I’m rocking your brother, I always go over the day in my mind, today you loved me in the middle of all the mess, regardless of the lack of attention that I gave you. You loved me when I gave you muffins for breakfast, forgot to brush your teeth, and made you wait 76 hours for your tea. You loved me even though I lost my patience, put you to bed at 630 and failed to take you to the store to buy you bath paint. Today, just like yesterday you loved me through my failures as if I haven’t even let you down. Because to you, maybe I didn’t let you down after all, to you, I was still the best….everything.
From the bottom of my heart Rylee LaRay, you will always be my “forever and always” and I am so thankful for your 4 year old unwavering grace. I love you baby girl.
Military wife just breathe 