everything myself

I hate attention, I hate self pity. I hate when people look at you and don’t know what to say or how to react. That’s why I am the way I am. I hold things in, I cry in the shower or in the dark or when no one is around. I don’t share how I’m feeling, I keep it to myself or write it down where no one I know will ever find it. I hate that people feel sorry for me, I don’t want attention. I want help, but I’d never ask for it. I want someone to give me a “day off” I want someone to vacuum my house, mop my floors for once so I don’t have too. I want someone to order the groceries and put them away. I want someone to help me put the 5 loads of laundry away I have to do every week by myself. I want to be able to just go to bed for once, and shower, longer than 10 minutes. I want someone to do the kids baths, feed them supper and put them to bed, just for one day. But I’d never tell someone that, because to me i feel as if I need to be strong and take it all in and do everything myself, and I don’t know how to change that.